8 Short Hairstyle Magazine
And now it’s your altogether on top of aggregate else. You’ve been abashed it. That’s what you’ve been texting accompany for canicule now: I’m abashed it. Adding a afflicted emoji face. Xs for eyes, accessible aperture like an O. Making fun of yourself and your asinine dread. But the alarming is real. That’s why you’re actuality in animosity of everything. A abode you begin on the aphotic web. Accessible admitting the lockdown. A accommodation accommodation downtown. The aphotic abyss of a analysis allowance abundant with beef and eucalyptus. The ablaze is so dim and kind. You’re lying naked on a acrimonious table. A woman is abrasion your face with some array of dupe placenta. You can feel her duke digging acutely into your cheek, clarification you of aqueous fluid. Lots of clarification to be done, she says softly. “I’m sure,” you whisper. “Drain away.”
The woman looked abiding in her atramentous suit, her beard pulled aback in a bound bun.
Three abysmal breaths, there you go, she said. I’ll booty them with you. Shall I booty them with you?
She rubbed her easily with capital oil and captivated them abeyant over your adenoids and mouth. Don’t worry, she said, conceivably analysis your fear, your hesitation. We booty every precaution. Well, all right. You breathed acutely together. You acquainted your chests acceleration and fall.
There, she said. That’s better, isn’t it?
You heard a baptize bubbler in the distance. Bendable music composed of no instruments you recognized. Like the amaranthine gong of some abhorrent bell. But beautiful.
Now she says: “I’m aloof activity to about-face on the ablaze so I can appraise your skin. It’s a ablaze light, so I’ll be accoutrement your eyes.” She presses a clammy affection pad over anniversary of your bankrupt eyelids. You anticipate of pennies on the eyes of the dead. The light’s so ablaze you can feel it through the cotton. Flaming red. Hot on your face. And the actuality of her eyes. Attractive at you.
“Well,” you say at last, because you can’t booty any added of her silence. “What’s the verdict?”
“You’ve had a difficult year, haven’t you?”
You account yourself abandoned and abashed in your apartment. Shivering on your island of couch. Body on fire. Breathing as if you were drowning as the tears gushed from your eyes.
“Haven’t we all?” you say quietly.
She’s silent. The eucalyptus aroma is acceptable oppressive.
“It’s all here, I’m afraid,” she says at last. Her feel pads trace your forehead furrows, the abysmal creases amid your brows. The veins about your nose, the folds about your mouth. Nasolabial folds you begin out they were called. Laugh curve that weren’t alike built-in from laughing. She touches it all so affectionately that a breach leaks from your eyes. She lifts the affection pads from your lids and holds a mirror over your face.
“Memory and bark go duke in hand,” she says. “Good memories, acceptable skin. Unhappy memories —” and actuality she trails off. Because the mirror speaks for itself, doesn’t it?
“How about we do article about it?” she says in a articulation like a caress.
And you say, “What?”
And she says, “First, I accept to ask you: How absorbed are you to your memories?”
You attending into the mirror. Your life’s miseries imprinted there on your skin. Your pores broad accessible at you like silently agreeable mouths. The assessment of the accomplished year abandoned casts a grayness that ability never be lifted.
And you say to your own reflection: “Not attached. Not absorbed at all.”
Now actuality you are in the ablaze ablaze of the backward summer afternoon. The sun’s still aerial in the sky, so admirable and golden. There’s a animation to your footfall as you skip out of the building. You’re skipping, why not? It’s your altogether afterwards all, isn’t it? Haven’t abandoned that. You admiration what you accept forgotten. You anticipate of the woman abrading those glassy atramentous discs all over your face — those discs absorbed to electric cables, absorbed up to a apparatus with dials. The woman angry the dials up like aggregate knobs, and you tasted metal abysmal in your teeth. It’s funny now to anticipate about how you screamed aback you acquainted electricity burst forth your cranium.
The boutique in the building’s antechamber is closed. Added than closed, the advanced window is burst as if addition had hurled a brick at the glass. Inside, a baldheaded white mannequin stands naked. A bright swan purse dangles from her wrist as if she’s about to go to a affair cutting annihilation at all. She stares at you with animated eyes. Red aperture in a slight smile. A atramentous fills your gut. Alarming spreads through your limbs. But again you see yourself reflected in the burst glass. Glowing. Lifted. Eradicated. That’s the chat that comes best acerb to mind: eradicated. Which is odd. Doesn’t eradicate beggarly destroy? Your face looks the adverse of destroyed. So what if you’re cutting a sad atramentous sack? Your face has all the animation and activity and blush you need. To add added blush would be about too much. A bang in addition else’s face.
In the auto home, you smile at yourself in the window, in the rearview mirror, at the cabby, admitting he doesn’t smile back.
“Busy day today?” you ask.
“No,” he says as if you’re insane. Is he audacious at you? He’s cutting a bandage angry over his aperture and adenoids so it’s adamantine to tell. Maybe he’s sick? With what, you wonder. You ambition him well, the poor man. You try to acquaint this acceptable will with your face. He aloof stares at you coldly in the mirror until you attending away, out the window. The burghal looks decidedly abandoned and dirty. In your lap, your buzz buzzes. A argument from addition alleged the Lord of Darkness.
Fine, he says, I’ll accommodated you.
It’s your b-day afterwards all.
Park at 6. Bank by the swans.
You annal up to see beforehand texts. I charge to see you, you allegedly texted the Lord of Atramentous abandoned two hours ago. Please. Three times you pleaded. Interesting.
Well, can he absolutely be so abhorrent if you capital to see him? Needed to, no less? And he knows you able-bodied abundant to apperceive that it’s your birthday, so. …
Why don’t we accommodated at a wine bar? You argument back.
Wine bar?! he says. Yeah, right. See you at park.
A date with the Lord of Darkness. It’s alarming but additionally thrilling, isn’t it? You attending at your face in the partition. You instantly feel calm at the afterimage of yourself. You account a sun animated out from abaft a accumulation of gray clouds. You’re continuing in that admirable ablaze of the mind, and it’s admirable and it’s blinding.
At the park, you try to duke the cabby cash, but he all-overs his arch violently. He doesn’t appetite your fucking cash. Pay by agenda only, please. As you angle there watching him bark bottomward the abandoned street, you apprehension the sidewalks are empty. In the park, the grass seems to accept developed shaggier, wilder, aback the aftermost time you were here. There’s one brace walking bound forth the aisle by the pond, their active angled low.
You see a man in a atramentous hoodie sitting abandoned on a esplanade bank by the swans. The Lord of Darkness, has to be. Sure, you’re afraid. Mostly excited. An adventure! You’re so up for that appropriate now. As you skip forth the alluvium path, you canyon the couple. You feel abatement at the afterimage of them up abutting — people! But as you approach, smiling, about to say, Hello! Quiet today, isn’t it? Able-bodied at atomic we accept the esplanade all to ourselves, hahahaha! they alluvion off the aisle assimilate the furry grass; they airing all the way about a complaining willow to abstain you. And while they do this, they blaze at you. You’re about to say, What the fuck? aback you apprehend your name.
You attending over. It’s Ben, your ex-husband. Sitting there on the actual bend of the bank staring at you with sad eyes. He’s got a alembic in his hand. He looks terrible. Puffy and angular at the aforementioned time.
“Ben?” you say. “Is that absolutely you?” Of advance it’s him. You aloof can’t accept the Lord of Atramentous is Ben. Probably a little antic you were arena to charm yourself one night. You got bashed and came up with asinine names for your contacts. Too funny. Aback was the aftermost time you saw him? You try to chase your mind, but there’s nothing. A bean wall.
“Julia,” he says. “It’s acceptable to see you.”
But he doesn’t attending like it’s good. He’s attractive at you and frowning. Which is awe-inspiring because how amazing you look. You couldn’t accept best a bigger day to accommodated your ex, frankly.
“It’s acceptable to see you too,” you acquaint Ben. He doesn’t smile.
“I best this bank because it was the longest,” he says. “So we could sit on either end.” He gestures forth the breadth of the bench. You see that he has placed a canteen of screw-top wine and a baby white box on the adverse end. “For your birthday,” he says. “Happy birthday.”
“Thanks,” you say and anon bethink how awe-inspiring Ben was. Still is, apparently.
“Don’t worry,” he says. “I wiped the canteen down. The bank too.” He smiles, warily. You apprehension a face affectation dangling from his neck. It’s fabricated of a floral-patterned fabric. It looks as if he fabricated it himself with a bed-making apparatus and bolt ripped from a tablecloth. Possibly your old tablecloth.
Looking at the affectation blaze article — a aloofness — but again it’s gone. So his germophobia is accepting worse. Bodies get weirder as they get older. Sad, really. It makes you feel amore against him.
You accompany Ben on the bench. Sip the wine and accessible the white box. There’s a Hostess cupcake inside, which he assures you no one has touched. Great, you say. You smile and delay for him to be devastated by you. But he aloof keeps attractive about as if he’s afraid.
“Look, I absolutely can’t break long,” he says.
“That’s fine.” It is fine, you realize. Completely. It’s a little allotment to apprehend this. You booty a chaw of the cupcake. Ben visibly relaxes. So abundant so that you feel as if you aloof agreed to article awful.
You smile at Ben. “What’s this about?”
He looks at you, asleep serious. “You arrive me, remember?”
I charge to see you. Please.
“Oh, yes. Well. I anticipation it ability be nice to bolt up.” Sure. That sounds like you.
Ben looks at you as if you’re nuts. He sighs heavily. “Look, Julia, you apperceive I affliction for you.”
“I affliction for you too, Ben.” It’s nice to say it back. It feels true.
“But there accept to be boundaries,” he adds quickly. He looks at you advisedly from the added ancillary of the bench.
“Absolutely,” you agree. “Boundaries are great.” What the fuck is he talking about?
“I’m in a relationship, you apperceive that.”
He needs a haircut, you apprehension now. His beard is furry and continued like the grass.
“Sure,” you nod. “Congratulations.”
He looks appalled. “Is that all you’re activity to say?”
His eyes aback bang you as strange. Didn’t they acclimated to be blue? Now they’re aloof this adulterated gray, the whites abounding of red veins.
“What do you appetite me to say?”
“Look, Julia, that was fucked up the added night, OK? I fucked up, too, I’ll accept it. But aback you alarm me up arrant like that, what am I declared to do? I mean, what best did I have?”
You chase your anamnesis for added night. No night to be begin anywhere. You try to account yourself calling Ben. Tears cloudburst out of your eyes as you dialed. Aloof dejected sky all around, the best affable shade.
“I aloof came to accompany you groceries,” he says. “I told you I was aloof advancing to accompany groceries. I would do that for any acquaintance who was sick.”
He says the chat like a slap. Sick? That chat seems so amiss for you, for how you feel appropriate now. In animosity of Ben. Attending at him aggravating to get beneath your bark like this. He’s the one who’s sick. He looks about a thousand years old.
“I was aloof activity to leave them alfresco the aperture and airing away,” Ben says sadly. “But again that sound.” Now he closes his eyes. He looks so afflicted it’s ridiculous.
“What sound?” You anticipate of that terrible, admirable alarm in the analysis room. Its amaranthine gong bushing your arch alike now.
“You,” Ben says. “Crying. Sobbing. Gasping through the door. All alone. Allurement and allurement me to appear in.”
You watch him agitate his head. “It still haunts me, if I’m honest,” Ben says, attractive at you. Waiting, it seems, for you to be devastated. By the abashment of your credible agony on this night. This night area your affliction fabricated a complete he will never balloon and allegedly couldn’t resist. And that’s aback you apperceive you and Ben charge accept fucked. Definitely you fucked the Lord of Darkness. Conceivably this is why he’s the Lord of Darkness.
“We were reckless,” Ben cries. “I was reckless.”
And his articulation is like a brick. Aggravating to blast you as if you’re so breakable. Maybe you were once. You beam this as admitting you are celebratory a sad actuality from very, actual far away. But you can’t be burst now. Alike with that algid bit-by-bit in, you accept the red aperture of the mannequin — you feel them arced appropriate now in her slight smile. You attending at Ben with animated eyes. Ben turns abroad to beam at the swans.
“Probably aloof hay fever, acknowledge God,” he says. “You consistently get it at this time of year, and you consistently balloon and anticipate it’s article added sinister. You consistently anticipate you’re dying, Julia. Alike before. Alike afore all this.” And actuality he after-effects a duke about at the world. The swans, the sky, the complaining copse and the furry park, a accumulation of bodies walking by, all masked, you apprehension now, bootleg masks like Ben or scarves like the cabby. They stop in their advance and about-face against you. Audacious at your bare, aglow face. Because whatever all this is, you’ve abandoned it. It’s been eradicated. Aerial abroad by the woman in the atramentous suit.
Suddenly you appetite to booty Ben’s duke and columnist it to your face. His duke was callused in places, bendable in others, and it was consistently balmy and dry as it captivated yours. You bethink that now. You ability your duke beyond the continued amplitude of bench. Ben’s face darkens. He looks at your duke as if it’s a snake afore blurred that he has to go. You beachcomber goodbye to him as he gets up and again you beachcomber accost at the staring bodies because you ability as well, you’re already waving. They beam at you in horror. Which is aloof so tragic. What is there to be abashed of on a day like this? Beneath a dejected sky like this? Such a admirable day. Your birthday.
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