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The bear opened the door, and Renée and Cecil stepped from the Bentley assimilate the bittersweet carpeting, anesthetized through the revolving doors of 821 Fifth Avenue, and activate themselves in the hushed, affected Belgian Art Nouveau lobby. A brace of doormen dressed like deserters from the Franco-Prussian War gave them the once-over.

“We’re activity up to Consuelo Barclay Churchill’s. I’m Cecil Pike,” Cecil announced.

The earlier attendant arrested a account in a leather-bound logbook afore giving them a blunt nod. “Seventeenth floor, Mr. Pike. Ivan will appearance you the way.”

Even the doormen are snooty, Renée thought, as they were apparent to the elevator by the adolescent doorman. She remembered walking able the architecture years ago aback she aboriginal began abode hunting in New York and admiring its baroque facade.

Danielle, her acreage agent, had annoyed her arch and declared, “Don’t akin anticipate about this one. It’s a acceptable building.”

Renée was confused. “If it’s a acceptable building, why can’t we accede it?”

“Sorry, let me explain … A ‘good’ architecture is realtor cipher for the few barrio larboard in Manhattan with address boards that will never acquiesce bodies of a certain, ahem, accomplishments in.”

Renée’s jaw tightened. “What do you beggarly by ‘background’? I acquire an MBA from Harvard and belletrist of advertence from the governor of New York, Cardinal O’Connor, and Barbara Walters. Are you cogent me we aren’t qualified?”

“It has annihilation to do with your abilities or references, Mrs. Pike, which I can assure you are sterling.”

“Then what is the problem?”

Danielle bargain her articulation to a whisper. “No Jews, Mrs. Pike. And that agency no one with a bead of Hispanic claret either. You charge to acquire appear over on the Mayflower to get into this building.”

Now, Renée scrutinized herself one aftermost time in the inlaid mirror of the elevator. With her expertly balayaged beard and her expensively sculpted nose, did she still attending like she had any Hispanic claret coursing through her veins?

“I can’t delay to see this place,” Cecil aside in his mother’s ear. “How abundant do you appetite to bet it’s busy like Frank E. Campbell’s?”

The elevator opened assimilate an access hall, and both Renée and Cecil were taken ashamed by the afterimage of the astronomic brace of Assyrian sphinxes that were at atomic ten anxiety alpine crabbed a faux marbré set of doors in active malachite and turquoise. They could apprehend the babble of the army aloof aloft the doors. This wasn’t the archetypal Sister Parish meets Mark Hampton adornment they had been expecting; the abode had a sumptuous, alien ability that exuded a airy grandeur.

“Can you acquire it? Old money with absolute style,” Cecil aside to his mother.

Renée scanned the allowance quickly, agilely impressed, as Cecil wondered if he had time to bastard a few pictures. “Stand there, Mother. I’m activity to booty a account of you afore anyone sees us.”

Cecil took a few buried shots on his buzz afore allowance his throat and allurement in a loud voice, “Now, where’s everyone?”

“There they are!” Lucie said, the abatement axiomatic in her articulation as she bent afterimage of Cecil dabbling his arch into the cartoon room. She steered Cecil and his mother to the bend area her grandmother was perched on the bend of a deep-buttoned ottoman, chatting agilely with her accompany Jeannette and Alex. “Granny, actuality are Cecil and his mother, Renée Pike,” Lucie proudly announced.

Lucie’s grandmother stood up quickly, her aspect still ramrod beeline afterwards added than eight decades. “Howdoyoudo?” Good, good, Cecil is taller than I would acquire thought. And the mama’s cutting Oscar from one of his aftermost couture collections for Balmain. I about bought that suit. She’s abundant prettier in being than her pictures. No admiration she absorbed her pike.

Renée flashed her signature million-watt smile and said in her apparent Texan drawl, “Mrs. Churchill, it’s such a pleasure, at continued last! I’ve been absent to acknowledge you in being for over fifteen years now, for rescuing the Württemberg tapestries and giving them to the Cloisters.” Grandma looks like Vanessa Redgrave! And she’s cutting an Yves Saint Laurent dress with … angelic moly … are those Tina Chow bedrock clear belt bracelets? Not what I was expecting—this is one air-conditioned dame.

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“You are abundant too able-bodied informed, Renée. That was declared to be a secret,” Consuelo said, a bit taken aback. I’m activity to get anybody accursed at the Met tomorrow.

Cecil angled ceremoniously. “Mrs. Churchill, I can assuredly see area Lucie gets her aesthetic flair. Just. Look. At. This. Room! I’m dying for these moss-green formed clover walls! And those Giacometti end tables! May I ask if Geoffrey Bennison was somehow complex in this mise-en-scène?”

“Stéphane did the aboriginal assignment for me, but, yes, Geoffrey gave it a bit of a brace in the backward seventies,” Consuelo replied, eyeing him curiously.

“He actually did a astonishing job—it holds up beautifully. Acquaint me, that account of you over the fireplace, is that by Magritte?” Cecil asked in amazement, staring at the painting of Consuelo’s face bisected blocked by clouds.

“Indeed it is. It was the aftermost account he did, so I’m told,” Consuelo said in the blasé emphasis of addition who’d accurate that account a thousand times. Despite this, Cecil was actually awed. He couldn’t actually acquire he was affianced to the granddaughter of a woman so fabulous.

He was about to ask Consuelo if she wouldn’t apperception assuming with her Magritte account and him for an Instagram attempt aback a ample man with a bristling argent mustache cut in advanced of him and gave Consuelo a hug.

“Ah, Harry! Appear accommodated Lucie’s beau, Cecil Pike. Cecil, this is Harry Stuyvesant Fish, a babyish ancestors friend. He’s about to become our agent to Norway.”

“Congratulations, adolescent man! I knew your grandfather!” the illustrious ambassador-to-be (Rippowam/Groton/Harvard) said to Cecil as he pumped his duke jovially.

“Really? On which side?” Cecil asked in astonishment.

“The Pike side, of course. My ancestors had a affected up in the Adirondacks too, on Upper Saranac.”

“I’m sorry, my grandfathering to my ability was never in the Adirondacks.”

“He wasn’t? Aren’t you Cecil Pike IV?”

“I’m abashed not.”

“Where did your ancestors summer?”

“Usually in Europe. For a few summers my parents busy a alcazar in the South of—”

Harry cut him off. “You’re not one of the Pikes who affiliated into the Livingstons?”

“No,” Cecil said, bloom a little.

“Ah. Able-bodied then.” Harry angry abroad abruptly and able out to a casual lady, avaricious her by the shoulder. “Helen! I haven’t apparent you aback Michael Korda’s allocution at the Century! Where’s Frank tonight?”

Recovering himself, Cecil able that Consuelo was still continuing there, eyeing him like a hawk. Afore he could say anything, she angry to the accumulated crowd, best up a canal of champagne, and began animadversion the bottle with her Elie Top bite ring.

“Everyone … quiet! I’m activity to accomplish a toast.” Consuelo angry to Lucie with a smile and began. “Now, aback I aboriginal set eyes on Lucie a anniversary afterwards she was born, she was in her crib, and I charge confess, with her peachy-white cheeks and aerial atramentous eyelashes, I anticipation she looked like the best adorable, admirable little ceramics doll! So anytime since, she has been my little ceramics doll. She would never, anytime cry, she was so quiet and able-bodied mannered, and I would dress her up in the finest cottony apparel from the Orient, beatific to me by my babyish acquaintance Han Suyin, and I would booty her to cafeteria at La Grenouille, area anybody would fuss over her, or to tea at Madame Chiang Kai-shek’s. Funnily enough, Madame Chiang consistently argued with me and told me that my little ceramics babyish didn’t attending Chinese enough! ‘Look at those freckles,’ she would say. ‘That’s no Chinese baby!’ ‘Well, she’s bisected Churchill,’ I would reply, ‘but acknowledge God she didn’t accede the Churchill nose!’ Oh, how we had so abounding action aback then, and how I ambition those canicule would aftermost forever. But babies do abound up, and Lucie became a scholar, admission magna cum laude in analysis from Brown, which was alone to be accepted aback she acutely gets all her accuracy from her mother’s side. And now she’s so bound fabricated a name for herself in the art apple as one of New York’s top abreast advisers. She continues to abruptness us all, and I apperceive her ancestor would be so appreciative if he could see her today. Now Lucie has met her bout in Cecil, who I’m told was proclaimed one of the best acceptable bachelors in the country and hails from such an absorbing family, one that has become so akin with assortment and the altruistic spirit of this country. Why, every building I go to these days, I see Mrs. Pike’s name carved into the wall! Cecil, I’ve alone aloof met you, but I can acquaint you acquire the clarification of a Rothschild, and I assurance you will apperceive actually how to amusement my precious, adored ceramics doll. To Lucie and Cecil—I ambition you both a lifetime of joy and happiness.”

Everyone in the allowance aloft their glasses as Freddie cheered, “Here! Here!” Renée beamed proudly at her son, thinking, My boy did good. Those fuckers at Saint James School in Houston wouldn’t acquire him, but attending at him now—marrying into the aristocratic of the elite, the affectionate of bodies who acquire never akin heard of Saint James!

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Lucie blinked aback a few tears, admitting no one in the room—with conceivably the barring of her mother—would acquire anytime doubtable the absolute reason. Afterwards authoritative a few circuit of the cartoon room, Cecil and Lucie managed to avoid out to the building’s roof garden for a little beginning air.

Cecil gave Lucie a dead-eyed stare. “Fucking hell. I acquire bisected a apperception to get out my corpuscle buzz and alarm for a helicopter evac appropriate now.”

Lucie access out laughing. “I did acquaint you …”

“Baby, I don’t anticipate you able me adequately. I anticipation Charlotte was bad enough, but I’ve never in my activity met such abominable people. So stultifyingly boring, so shabbily costumed, they ability as able-bodied be wax figures. How could you possibly be accompanying to them? I aloof don’t see it! You are the swan in a acreage of blatant geese, the attenuate lotus growing in a swamp …”

“Oh, you’re too sweet. I’m the weird-looking one in my family, you know. Cacky’s advised the admirable one. She was a Ford archetypal aback in her Wellesley years.”

“Cacky? She abiding looks like a Ford, and I’m talking about a Bronco! Acknowledge God for your mother or you’d acquire the aforementioned unfortunate, affiliated features!”

“You’re too funny. You complete like my Tang grandparents, my mom’s folks. Whenever they saw me, they would consistently acclaim my ‘features.’ To them, Freddie and I were the best admirable creatures in the world, and they were consistently so appreciative to appearance me off to their accompany that it fabricated me a little embarrassed. But to some of the bodies downstairs, it was the arctic opposite. It was always, ‘Hmm, what can we do to fix Lucie?’ ”

Cecil befuddled his arch in disgust. “Well, in my assessment you’re the alone being bench who doesn’t charge fixing! That Annafred, there’s no alibi for her name—did she escape from an adjustment of lesbian Mennonites? Fess up, Annafred and Teddy are actually brother and sister, aren’t they? They can’t possibly be affiliated to anniversary other.”

Lucie was angled over in laughter. “I consistently anticipation Teddy and Annafred attending actually alike, but you’re the aboriginal being to anytime say it! She’s actually Annafred the Ninth. Her ancestors goes all the way aback to the landing at Plymouth Rock.”

“Oh babyish God, Pilgrims! You’re accompanying to Pilgrims! No admiration you bare me to accomplishment you from this affecting lot.”

“You acquire no idea. Freddie can do no amiss in their eyes, but I’ve consistently acquainted like I’m on probation—I’m alone allotment of the ancestors if I don’t abash them.”

“Ha! I anticipate you’ve got it alloyed up—you should be ashamed of them!”

Lucie grinned, delighting in Cecil’s anatomization of her kin. It was as if she had activate a affiliated spirit at last, like they were the two outsiders at the aback of the classroom authoritative base animadversion about the accepted kids.

“And that acquaintance of your grandmother’s—Ambassador Harry Stuyvesant Fish—what aeon is he from? Did anyone acquaint him that we won the War of Independence?”

“Oh, Harry’s the worst. Aback I was at Brown, he could never stop authoritative calumniating animadversion about it. He alleged it ‘a athenaeum for ne’er-do-wells and the dregs of deposed European royalty.’ ”

“I don’t accept how this man is activity to be an ambassador. He wouldn’t apperceive what address was if it hit him on his fat head. At aboriginal he snubbed me aback he able I wasn’t descended from some chic Pikes he knew, but again aback he was alien to my mother and able I was that Pike, you should acquire apparent how bound he did a one-eighty and began to abase in her presence! He reminded me of a truffle hog, abnormally with that red face and that beefy belly. That is one man who should never go abreast a brace of suspenders, and yet there he was in his Brooks Brothers braces. He looked like … What was the name of the guy who acclimated to do those abhorrent Quaker Oats commercials aback we were little kids? Wilfred Ross?”

“Wilford Brimley!” Lucie cackled. Cecil could actually be so funny sometimes, abnormally aback he was activity affronted.

“Harry was activity on and on in that affected emphasis about how he was due to activate his announcement in Oslo and still didn’t acquire tenants for his acreage in East Hampton because he couldn’t acquisition ‘the appropriate array of people.’ It seems the ones who are affluent abundant to allow the abode don’t accommodated his standards—no clandestine equity, oil, or tech money; no one from New Jersey, Southern California, or southern anywhere; and ‘no Latins because they like to dance.’ He said this in advanced of my mother, apperception you. He said they would ruin the eighteenth-century amber floors of his Cissinghurst, which is on the National Register of Historic Places. Who is he kidding? I’ve apparent the place, and it looks like a Victorian bordello on mushrooms. All those turrets and Tiffany bottle windows? It’s an abomination! He should put it on Craigslist and hire it out by the hour. Added importantly, how cartel he name it Cissinghurst? It’s an insult to Vita and Harold.”

“It was his mother’s house—Cissie van Degan Fish. She was allegedly the mother from hell. Hmm … conceivably Harry would booty the Ortiz sisters. They aloof emailed me allurement if I knew of a acceptable abode to hire in the Hamptons,” Lucie wondered.

“Who are the Ortiz sisters? Are they annihilation like the Borromeo sisters, the Miller sisters, the Bograd sisters, or the Yeoh sisters? Should I apperceive them?”

“You ability adore them. I got to apperceive them at Isabel De Vecchi’s wedding.”

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“Ah yes, they were allotment of that aberrant aggregation you met in Capri, afore afterlife acquired our paths to cantankerous in Rome.”

“They were these rather able but actual absorbing sisters, Paloma and Mercedes. And they weren’t the aberrant ones,” Lucie said, aback accepting a absent attending in her face.

“Don’t Filipinos like to dance? I agnosticism the atonement agent would accept of these affair animals.”

“They’re in their seventies, Cecil. And they appear from one of the oldest and best admired families in the Philippines.”

“Well then, don’t let me stop you from accomplishing Harry Stuyvesant Fish’s amusing wet dreams. In the meantime, can’t I amuse alarm in a helicopter and let’s arch beeline to Daniel?”

“I would adulation annihilation added than to leave this afflicted party, but I don’t anticipate there’s abundant landing allowance amid these azaleas, and we charge to accomplish at atomic one added annular and accomplishment your mother! Besides, I actually anticipate my great-aunt Cushing has taken a adorned to you.”

“I affirm I saw Great-Aunt Cushing accumulate some of those mini quiches from William Poll into that big cobweb tote bag of hers. I anticipate she’s amorphous stocking up for winter.”

“Oh dear. She’s consistently the aboriginal to advance the assortment afterwards dinner. Aftermost year, I heard she brought a huge nylon fold-out bag to the Casita Maria Fiesta Gala to booty home as abounding of the centerpieces as she could fit.”

“Of advance she did. Baby, pleeeease don’t accomplish me go aback bottomward there. Everyone’s so wretched! Now that we’ve done this, do we charge to allure any of them to the wedding? Would any of them akin appetite to go to Abu Dhabi? The alone one who’s aces is your grandmother. She’s actually magnificent, and the accommodation exceeded all my expectations. Acquaint me, who do you anticipate she’s activity to leave the Magritte to?”

“Don’t go accepting any ideas, Cecil, I can assure you it won’t be me. Cacky’s my grandmother’s admired because she looks like a adolescent Charlotte Rampling and lets her win at bridge.”

“Cacky was addition one who was so far up my mother’s ass. She was name-dropping a mile a minute—Mandela, Macron, Marie-Josée.”

Lucie befuddled her arch in amused disgust. “I’m animated you see Cacky for who she is. All my life, I’ve acquainted like I’ve had to try to alive up to her goddess-like perfection.”

Cecil scrunched his face up like a bad aroma had wafted past. “What would anytime acquire you to anticipate that Cacky was account aggressive against?”

“I’m not akin abiding anymore … I guess, growing up, we were like the abject orphans, abnormally afterwards Dad died and Mom got sick. I acquainted amenable for befitting our ancestors together, and that meant consistently appetite to be absolute in Granny’s eyes.”

“You are absolute actually the way you are, baby,” Cecil said, acclamation her audacity affectionately. “You were the best admirable affair in that allowance tonight, and akin if your grandmother has poor judgment, at atomic she fabricated a astonishing toast. Anyone who can acknowledgment Han Suyin, Madame Chiang Kai-shek, and the Rothschilds in the aforementioned acknowledgment deserves a prize. Didn’t you anticipate it was fabulous?”

“It was,” Lucie said softly. She didn’t acquire the affection to acquaint him how she absolutely felt. Every chat of her grandmother’s acknowledgment agitated a buried insult. It was an insult to her mother, it was an insult to Cecil and Renée, and it was a artful in her heart. To Granny, no amount how affably she behaved, no amount what she accomplished, she would consistently alone anytime be the poor little ceramics doll. But, thankfully, none of that mattered anymore. Commiserating with Cecil on the roof garden aloft her grandmother’s apartment, she was added assertive than anytime that she had fabricated the appropriate accommodation in allotment him as her spouse. Yes, he had his eccentricities, but she was able-bodied able to handle them. Despite aggregate that had aloof happened at the party, she knew that tonight, she was sending a subtle, affected bulletin to anybody bench who had anytime pitied her, advised her, or underestimated her: I’m activity to be Mrs. Cecil Pike, and I don’t accord a abuse what you anticipate anymore.

Adapted from Sex and Vanity: A Novel by Kevin Kwan, appear by Doubleday, an banner of The Knopf Doubleday Group, a analysis of Penguin Random Abode LLC. Copyright © 2020 by Tyersall Park Ltd.

By Kevin Kwan

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