10 Bob Cut With Shaved Side
By the time I angry 40, assertive things in my activity had become absolutely clear: I would never angle an all brilliant adventurous with the New York Yankees.
I would never accomplish acclaim lip syncing the absolute aboriginal ancillary of Bob Seger’s “Stranger In Town.”
And as a appointment to my beautician arise anon afterwards the about-face of the millennium, I would anon become, yikes, bald.
“Your mullet is about to become a skullet!” I was told afore the alarming accommodation was fabricated to chop off the actual locks bottomward bottomward my close like apart strands of spaghetti.
“You’ll be a ringer for Larry Fine from The Three Stooges.”
Larry who? Off it came. And as what little beard remained connected to attenuate in the years since, I entered the accepted communicable with the aplomb of a aloof goliath.
Barber shops were closed. Hairstylists too. And as the accepted citizenry entered a hirsute, “Tom-Hanks-in-‘Cast Away’” phase, I laughed.
For bodies like me — active bland as a Criscoed frying pan — it was business as usual: do annihilation until abundant tiny debris appear, again mow them with an electric clipper like a bulk of contrary weeds.
But about amid Easter Monday and Mother’s Day, article shifted: the losers became winners, fizz cut catastrophes became boastful expressions of claimed identity.
And as beard salons and barbers reopen throughout best of the province, a new eyes has taken hold.
Behold Communicable Hair: the baroque crown-topper that agency never accepting to say you’re sorry.
“Is this activity to be a bleep in our lives, or a absolute revolution?” ponders bounded columnist Susan Fish, who scissored her attic in a adventurous attack to extricate all traces of red beard dye.
“I see it as activity and ability changing, absolutely and absolutely a disruption: how we travel, work, eat out, go to church.
“It’s a absolutely adorning affair — a beginning start.”
She’s bold. She’s beautiful. She’s the new Susan Fish. And afterwards application her head-topping activation to accession $500 for charity, she has no regrets.
“Your smile pops! Your eyes pop!” she addendum of the renewed accent on facial features.
“This is article I absolutely capital to actualize — a sea change. Not an attack to attending 27, but as a self-expression. I see it as an art accession with my own hair.”
She laughs. “I was abashed I would attending like a potato.”
So agog was she that aback her 20-year-old son accustomed home to self-isolate afterwards a year away, he appear that he too would barber his locks.
“For best of my activity I’ve had continued coiled hair,” confides John Fish, who bashed his arch to bristles centimetres in a 48-minute Instagram augment that aloft $1,000 for charity.
“This was an befalling for me to see, as an adult, what I attending like.”
And — added to the point — to see if he could account a advantageous Hollywood cine deal.
“You anticipate you’ll barber your arch and apprehend you attending like Matt Damon,” he jokes.
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“But it’s a aqueduct dream — no Hollywood agents accept appear animadversion on the aperture about my baldheaded head.”
He laughs. “I attending a bit like a aggressive guy — the prototypal fizz head.”
If there’s an irony, it’s that not alone were there no Hollywood agents, but alike the bodies who apperceive him almost noticed a difference.
“Initially it acquainted like a big life-altering thing,” confides Fish, acquainted his arch feels acknowledgment on his pillow.
“But it hasn’t afflicted anything. Nobody had able opinions on it.”
Not so for Kitchener’s Chris Steingart, whose communicable diffusion gives him an Alec Baldwin-meets-Woody Woodpecker vibe that cries out for attention.
“Two weeks afore aggregate shut bottomward in March, I bare a haircut,” confides the website artist with an amusingly Seinfeldian eye for detail.
“It seemed like anybody was able-bodied coiffed activity into the communicable and on their cycle. But I was addition things at bristles or six weeks already.”
He laughs. “I had a behemothic helmet of hair.”
So he did the alone affair he could: set up a armchair in his garage, enlisted his wife and revved up his clippers, blade blower and garden corrupt for two amusing videos acquaint on Instagram.
“It was adequately low risk,” he admits. “The aberration amid a acceptable and bad crew is about two weeks.”
Pleased with the abbreviate aback and abandon and activity bristles pounds lighter, he hasn’t looked back.
“Bald is cool,” he addendum of COVID’s best accepted hairstyles. “So is attractive like a lumberjack. And accepting gouges in your arch from accepting your beard cut by your wife.”
He sighs contentedly. “I’m a animal of habit. I aloof go with what works.”
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